So there I was, serenely having a snack, and suddenly all hell broke loose. Among the cacophonous sounds of my friends screaming I suddenly realized I was being chased. Before I knew it I was being half-dragged and half-carried by my ankles, restrained by all my appendages. It was terrifying. It all happened so quickly there was no time to think, no time to formulate a plan.
Some say that when you die your life flashes before your eyes. Others speak of a tunnel with a light at the end. It turns out that I am an out of body kind of girl. Frankly, from the atrocities I witnessed upon my body, the tunnel sounds really really good. But you know, it turns out we don't get to choose. Out of body it was. I watched as I was stripped, disemboweled and enclosed in a bag. Into refrigeration I went with the rest of my friends in a giant vile morgue. Eventually we were separated, which didn't matter at all, really. It's not like there's any camaraderie among the dead. If any of them were out of body, they weren't visible to me. They probably got the tunnel. Lucky bitches.
The atrocities that followed our separation were truly unspeakable. My corpse was pummelled and mangled beyond belief. I can't even recount the heinous acts performed upon my former self. If it had been possible not to watch, I would have stopped. Alas though, it was not. But eventually it all became clear. As I floated over the unrecognizable pile of bones and flesh and viewed the happy consumers of, well....me, I realized my purpose. And it made me feel content for the first time. Suddenly I felt warm and happy and there was a light and a tunnel and all that stuff they tell you about when you die. And I went.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
