Please stop whistling.
You wander up and down our hall whistling non-stop the entire time, and you know what? You’re not great. While I can definitely make out certain melodies every now and then, I can assure you, this does nothing to help your case, as knowing the song you’re attempting to recreate just makes it all the more cringe-worthy when you fail.
That being said, I’ve still only recognized two of your songs, and those were “Pirates of the Caribbean,” and “The Stars and Stripes Forever.” You even included the piccolo solo, and while I do appreciate that as a piccolo player myself, it was still unwelcome. It was unwelcome mostly because the Hawkeye Marching Band had just finished playing that song in a three-week show, meaning I’ve been playing that exact solo for three weeks straight. At this point, I don’t think it will really ever be acceptable again.
“Pirates” is where I start to think this is a personal thing. You know why? Because you whistled that the day after we performed that show in HMB, so I know now there has to be some connection, be it mere coincidence, aliens, or maybe you’re just in band too, but I know something’s up. How else would you know just the right song to whistle to get on my biggest nerve? I don’t have a song that’s annoying me this week? No problem! You just fall back on that safe strategy of whistling whatever random series of sound-notes pop into your head.
But I don’t think you know you’re bad at whistling. I think you think you’re good because of the sheer amount of volume you can achieve. I’ve never heard someone whistle that loudly with any semblance of a melody before, and I would applaud you for that, if you weren’t so incredibly annoying about it.
On top of that, you use the outside hand dryer. Let me just say, those hand dryers are loud. Very. Loud. They’re annoying when you use the ones that aren’t in the hallway, so my question to you is, why use the one single dryer that is? There is a sink and dryer in every bathroom on this floor, why the hell not use one of those? What makes you think it’s a good idea to fire up the thing three feet from my open door while there are quite clearly seven people in my room trying to watch Arrested Development? Because of you we can no longer hear the hilarity, as we’ve been keeping the volume down in an effort to be considerate to our neighbors, it being 10:30pm and all.
But no, you whistle on down to the bathroom, do your thing, and then open the door with your still unwashed hands as you go for the sink, and then the inevitable dryer. By the way, the rest of us touch that doorknob after we’ve washed our hands, and you’re just making the whole process pointless by opting for the outside sink.
The worst part is, I’m not even entirely sure who you are. I thought you were the one I know only as “Hipster,” but then it appeared as though you were “Totally Normal Guy” who lives on the other end of the hall from Hipster. So I don’t even know who to blame for all of this pointless agitation.
Frankly, I’m afraid it might be both of you.
#firstworldproblems
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