(yes, as a child I thought that was an actual geographical feature...a lane with pictures of old stuff--you know, like on street signs?...it made sense to me at the time....shush)
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Okay....my house,
Christmas Day-
Twelve Humans
NINE DOGS!
Only two of the dogs are actual inhabitants of the house. Their names are Maggie and Bailey, collectively known as MailBag. 'Cause, you know, sometimes you just have to yell a name without getting all bogged down with which name goes with which entity. The Old Dog is Maggie, an eleven year old flatulent Dalmatian. She will also answer to Best Dog Ever.
Bailey is the puppy, a mix of one quarter each beagle, chihuahua, Boston terrier and demon. Everyone thinks she's a pit bull. Whatever. We also have three incoming rat terriers in addition to four mixed breeds from various adoption/rescue scenarios with temperaments that range from sweet to skittish to Bad. The Bad Dog is named Maddie. It's not her fault she's bad. She was abused as a puppy before being rescued. This does not make her even one tiny bit less scary.
So. Here is what we know for sure-
- Bailey does not get along with two of the rat terriers.
- The Bad Dog gets along with one and a half humans and no canines.
- Maggie is too old to give a rat's or any other kind of ass and will just lie around and occasionally bark or fart.
Organizing these dogs takes more effort than the seating plan at a shotgun wedding. When it's time for the Bad Dog to go outside, the proclamation is made,
"Maddie is coming up!"
Suddenly the humans put down their beers and spring into action-each has a dog to grab and corral until Maddie gets outside. The grandma who is NOT a dog person (God love her) barricades herself in the bathroom until she hears the all clear.
When Maddie is once again safely ensconced in the basement (yes, it has furniture and carpet-shut up) WITH a baby gate blocking the stairs just in case, Dog forbid, someone should forget and OPEN THE DOOR!!!!, the dogs are released into a swirling vortex of canine glee that could only be enhanced by the addition of raw meat.
Of course, every time Maddie comes up there is a different mix of dogs available to react to her since the puppy and the rat terriers can't seem to share air space without getting snappish, so they have to take turns in the box.
The one constant is Maggie...sitting on her little bed....reigning from on high (ummmm, well, low) with an air of studied indifference. Tooting.
Oh yeah, the humans? I guess they got along just fine. No one noticed.
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