Little Brown Dog

As with any cliched household, there is a dog in ours. This is that dog:

There was once a cat as well, but it didn't take. *Girl Note* He tried to eat me. On multiple occasions. We sent him to the farm, which isn't a euphemism in this case. We actually took him to my grandparents' farm, where he cowered under a step for two days, then ran away. For the last two years we've been trying to train the dog on the invisible fence. When on her tieout, she won't go near the perimeter. This causes stupid humans to smugly say "Yay! We did it! The dog is trained! Wooo! No more going outside in the rain to find the damn tieout! No more digging in the snow to find the damned thing! NO MORE!!!"...and we unhook her. She immediately says (in dog) "SCREW YOU SUCKERS! I. AM. OUTTA HERE!!!!" ....and she disappears with one yelp as she crosses the line in a joyful brown blur with bouncy ears. This is a problem since she does not find it worth the pain to cross back and come home. Even though that is where we keep the food. So.

Today, the dog escaped. We had been outside a lot doing yardwork. Every time we worked in a different part of the yard, we moved her tieout so she wouldn't be all bitchy about being far from her people. I think she was getting really confused though, as every move involved her finding ANOTHER SPOT where she could get shocked. Later, after we had moved her inside, she sneaked out and we were all like "oh crap...now we have to be responsible pet owners and act like we're going out to find her..." even though chasing her is the LAST thing we should do because she LOVES that game.

But lo! What's this? She has not left the yard! How could it be? She seems to think we will be herding her inside. She will not come near the humans but instead is hauling ass around the yard, tongue flapping in the wind, little doggie smile on her little doggie face. I try to give her a treat to reward her for being such a GOOD DOG and she comes to within two centimeters of me then goes skitting away like a little canine water bug. She is running laps.

*Girl talking now* Mom can't type right now, as the Little Brown Dog, as we tend to call her, has inconvenienced her. We started a fire in our little fire pit, and as an animal, she was not a fan. However, she really likes being by her people, so she decided to give the terrible patio a try. She slinked around from person to person for awhile, looking timid and frail, then moved to Mom. Slowly working her way up the chair, she placed a paw at a time on the footrest, then held position, again looking timid. We thought about stopping her, but as we decided all day, we said, "what the hell, let's see what happens." Well, Little Brown then moved to her back paws, then to the chair, sticking her big brown face in Mom's excessively laughing one, and finally brought it all to a close by awkwardly snuggling into her lap, laying down, and looking like a very strange farm animal.

Like a goat, or something.

I don't know. She was eating flowers earlier, so that fits.
She just dismounted, nearly front-flipping, and is testing the invisible fence's boundaries again. Back to you, Momma.

The dismount only got a 3.6. It was bad. At this point I need to share that LBD weighs like, 40 pounds. She is so not a lapdog. So as of now she has tested all the boundaries and appears to have had the dog equivalent of Helen Keller's water moment. "OMG...if I don't cross this line right here, not only will I be pain-free, but my humans will let me have the run of the yard! I totally OWN this place! Bwahahaha!" I can almost see the light bulb pulsating ever so dimly in her little head. In the morning we'll see just how much of this she remembers. Wish us luck!

*Girl Next Day Note* It worked! So far, she has done nothing but scour the perimeter, searching for a way out. But there is no way, LBD. You can't escape. Muahahaha!
Eh, it's a good morning after a good day.